The MUSE


I once had a muse,
well at the time I didn't realize he was my muse
and yet at the same time ..
I was his,
Tiens.

We didn't see each other online very often,
so our relationship was basically through emails.
Until it evolved into a real relationship, in the flesh.

I love writing emails on stationery and I have found
and was given some really beautiful and sensual ones.
Of course I used both.

I found thru my writings to my Muse,
I became to know and understand myself for the first time in my life.
I loved the person I saw,
I was so happy to know what I was capable of and feeling.

I lost my Muse over 5 years ago and I feel so bad now.
I feel when I say certain words or phrases I have already said but to him,
they are meaningless now to me as I was insprired by him.

I printed out every email that I wrote and that he wrote in full color,
I was going to make a book and copy it
for my grand children to see the inside of my heart
since they don't know me as they should.

I became tormented by seeing them and reading them over and over
and decided I couldn't move forward in my life
as long as I had them, so I destroyed them all.

I don't have any copies in the pc or on disc,
no more history saved for the future legacy of me.
I found those words or feelings were there ..
because of … him.

So I am now looking for a new Muse.
It might be selfish of me, I really don't know.

Muse wanted …
apply thru email.

Thanks for reading.
Eve

16 thoughts on “The MUSE

  1. Dear Eve,
    I'm first in the queue, but I know there are a lot standing in line behind me, so you will be spoilt for choice 🙂

  2. Eve, My Dear …

    Alas. I'm not Museable, but I am shamelessly Useable. Might that work in a pinch?

    Yourn,

    Moon

  3. Originally, I loved the thought of how you kept all of the letters and emails that the two of you shared. I do believe that the feelings that the two of you had together are real in the most sincere of manners. Even if it was on line….I fully understand. If it happens again, do not be afraid of the real person that you are. Keep it to pass on your self to your genes that follow. It really may help one of them understand what they are going through themselves.

    I also wanted to wish you luck in your search. They seem really easy to come by over the net…..and in person it is a complete and different story.

    But, what do I know…I am a married woman of 10 years.

    I hope you understand and wish you luck.

    Love and God Bless,
    Sarah

  4. Hello my sweet Lokutus,

    I only WISH there was a line 😦

    Did you read your email? 🙂

    Thank you again for the relaxing voice mail.

    Your devoted fan and friend

    Eve

  5. HI Dear Sarah,

    I have to explain this … it was more than just an online thingy.

    He was from Belgium and I from Ct where I am now. He came to me for 10 days and the magic vanished. The feelings and thoughts and dreams in a blink of an eye they were gone.

    I do alot of counseling online to women whom might take the chance and when they hear my stories they step back and re think it.

    I am so glad I have had experiences of such, I am soooooo blessed I can save others from doing or taking the chance I did and lost the Muse.

    I would rather have my Muse back than the 10 days.

    10 yrs of marriage is great as along it;s to the right person ……..:)

    Hugs to you Sarah,
    Eve

  6. I did the same thing, destroying everything from a Muse and after a couple of years, I regretted it. Now, I keep everything in a box that I don't open very often.

    My Muse is also my closest friend. My Muse knows more about me than any other person, and even the bad things don't matter. My Muse is very non-judgemental and that is the rarest of all qualities. But, we were lovers before he became my Muse. Had it been the other way, I think we would have had a very different relationship.

    I hope you can find your Muse. Be patient and don't force it. Muses don't happen that way.

    K4

  7. HI K,

    You are very lucky to have had a lover and now a muse 🙂

    I haven't been really looking for another one however, I remember how great it felt to have one and to feel life as it should be felt.

    I love to write and when writing to one who shares and cares and inspires ……….it's great !

    There's no rush, I am here for a while at least 🙂

    Eve

  8. Eve,

    If you had Moon as a Muse you might just suffer from some malaise or lunacy 🙂 Pardon the pun.

    Sometimes it is easy to forget what is so special and unique about yourself that it takes someone new, someone with fresh eyes to see you, and make you see yourself as they do. I think this is what can inspire us to new heights, not just a person, but a fresh belief in our own abilities and strengths. Never forget that.

    That being said I don't think you need a Muse to wax lyrical all over again 🙂

    regards,
    JCL.

  9. HI JCL,

    If Moon was my muse I would be bald 🙂

    He is a joker and mysterious at the same time.

    Nice to see you posting again,

    Eve

  10. She probably won't read this, but I do have a muse. She's not around right now, but soon she will be. I think I am her muse as well, but don't know for sure.

    I think that this muse affair is as relative as love itself, inspiration can come from everywhere, at any moment.

    Let the muse come back to all.

  11. HI EZ,

    I hope your MUSE returns to you soon too , I am sure you are longing for her and to feel her again.

    I feel being without my MUSE is not being whole only half.

    The world was bright and wonderful in those days and I never wanted anything more other than the relationship I had at that time. What could be better than that??? 🙂

    There was a movie made once it was about an affair like every 6 months. I think it was called an affair to remember or something like that. Gesh I can't remember the name now :((

    Thanks for always reading and posting in my journal EZ, happiness to you always,

    Eve

  12. I recently went through a pocketbook (tis the season of changing bags) and stumbled upon a letter I had never mailed. Of course I opened it and read it. Cried and remembered the feelings behind the letter. I thought of saving it.. but to what purpose.

    We might tuck away the pleasure and pain we have felt but it is always there. I didn't need the letter to remind me… My personal growth from the experience reminds me everyday.

    Eve, the words and feelings were there because of what you held close in your heart.

    I hope you allow yourself to have those feelings once again.

    Keep your heart open.

    ~Briar~

  13. HI Briar,

    You are so right I just realized one thing, I had someone to talk to and someone who listened and felt my words and really saw the inside of my heart and soul.

    Growing up in an enviroment of strangers from the age of 8 to 15 I had only a handfull of friends that really knew me.

    I had only one man in my life which I can say was a soul mate and this too vanished.

    I have realized that I, ME am the teacher and so many others have GAINED FROM loving me and knowing me and I have gained and grown from knowing this one man … THE MUSE…

    Amazing I think that I have given life to so many people, not just kids. and yet I only gained from one man and for a short amount of time.

    I have reflected back on all my relationships with men and women and really only seen this one person as someone whom I have grown from.

    My then soulmate has helped me indirectly without even knowing he did, words from my children < his 2 girls> whom have told me he gave up drinking so I figured gosh if HE can so can I and I did with the help of God.

    So you see Briar you are so right the feelings and words have always been there and since I have known all of you in Oprea land I now have someone who listens.

    Thank you for this blessing in my life.

    Eve

  14. HI Joni,I really do believe this man was my Muse just as my other friend On'an is my muse and I am his.I can tell when people insprire me and I can tell when my heart is touched in ways never before touched .I have been reached out and physically touched by people whom I have never met too even woken up by their gentle nudges. Do I inspire you ? I am happy if I do. I try to share my soul with those who accept it and maybe even transfer a bit of my "LIGHT" into their souls.I feel men can be muses things change since they wrote about this back in the Greek gods days. Thanks for sharing and caring LoveEve

  15. Hmm. The concept of a male muse is foreign to me. The muses as you all know were Greek goddesses who presided over the arts and sciences and who inspired those who excelled at those pursuits. Unfortunately a Google search reveals mostly discussions about gay lifestyles when speaking about male muses. Troubled by this and certain that men can inspire women just as boldly as women do men, I'd been meaning to blog about this very subject not that long ago.Does this mean that you are my muse, dear Eve? :whistle:And on the other topic, online relationships, I stumbled onto someone's blog today (ZeroG, if I'm not mistaken), who says that there simply can be no friend in his life whom he can't reach out and physically touch and therefore no one in his online world could be considered his friend. I recoiled from those words as if I'd been slapped. Why? Because two of the very dearest people in my life are people I've never actually met. But I'd give my very life for them and I'm very certain they'd do the same for me. (But let's not test that, shall we? Let's just keep that for theory only!) Anyway, that's just how I feel about it! YMMV.

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